I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
