wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
