I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
