I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
