he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
