party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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