You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
