so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
