can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there's paper in my vomit.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
