just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
