due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
