i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
