i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
