you guys were way drunker than both of me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize