google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
