i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
