I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This is classic penis vs brain.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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