JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
