some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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