Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
