That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
