Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Buhtt sex?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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