Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
