I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
