Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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