tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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