It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize