Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize