i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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