woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
