she woke up with a sticky ear
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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