party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
