If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
