My liver just broke up with me...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
