let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
