I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
