Can Purell be used as lube?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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