When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
