I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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