so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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