I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Bring me that man meat
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
