She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I didn't notice because vodka
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize