Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
