I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm at about main and main street
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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