Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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