Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
