My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
