you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
