New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
