We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
