Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize