i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
