I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
