The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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