Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
