in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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