You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
