My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
