shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
