I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
