you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The air was thick with penises
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
