If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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