Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
