I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
