look no pants
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
