I feel like abortions should bother me more
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
