I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize