i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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