I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
