the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
