We're facebook friends in real life
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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