double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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