question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
