nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
